so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
