are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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