Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
