Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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