I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
