We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do vagina's smell?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
