ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
