whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
