First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
