I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
