In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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