Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
