Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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