Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
