I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
