im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
