She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
