happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
