You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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