I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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