is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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