The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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