i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
