i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
