apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
