I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
