I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
