Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
