At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
