There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Randomize
