Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
