I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
