Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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