how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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