The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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