Welp...herpes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
