Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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