Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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