i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
