I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
