i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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