doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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