do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
