just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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