here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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