Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
