i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You left your phone here
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