More tranny stories later!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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