goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
