she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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