My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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