You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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