Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
