My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
