Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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